This weekend in church our pastor was discussing what to do when doubts about God sneak into our mind and thoughts. His advice was twofold: Remember the miracles and Be the miracle.
This advice came at such a pinnacle time for me (a miracle in itself that Jesus had a pastor write a sermon just for me). Last week was a hard one for me. I am currently homeschooling 3 of my children and I was having one tested at the public school for learning difficulties. Testing was over on Friday and when we scheduled a date for discussion, I was sad. I’m no rookie folks. This would not be my first IEP meeting and I think they stink like a bag of wet cats.
I spent the next day worrying about her. Should I home school again? Send her to public school? Go back to the Christian school? Maybe we should move to get in a different district? Wait, if we did move, would she ever find friends again? Oh man, will she ever get a date for prom? And if she does, how will she be able to wear those high healed shoes that she loves so much with her AFOs on? And do college dorms have handicap accessible dorm rooms? Wait, if I don’t figure out the only right answer to the school question then she’ll never go to college and her future will be doomed, all because I made the wrong decision. ARGGGGGG! ….what will ever become of her?!
Holy batman is that lady crazy.
And then Pastor Harlow reminded me to REMEMBER THE MIRACLES.
And I am a woman who not only believes that Jesus is still in the business of miracles, but he’s been handing them out to me for years now. And I’m going to write them down. Now. Because Jesus has actually saved the lives of these children that I keep worrying about.
When my youngest son was born, he had an apgar of 2. He was smurf blue and not breathing. Unknown to myself and my doctors, my placenta was breaking apart. I went in thinking it was labor, but it was only severe cramping (from the placenta) and the doctor decided to just induce labor. I had an epidural, and after about 8 hours, it no longer worked. The nurse had forgotten to refill the IV bag. Hmmm….. When I could feel the labor I realized I needed to push, but I wasn’t even dilated to 10 yet. The doctor just shrugged and said, “Well, I guess we’re having a baby.”
Will’s life was saved that day. No one but God alone knew my placenta was breaking apart and that my son was essentially suffocating in my womb. The doctor told me that evening that had we waited even 12 more hours, my son would have been stillborn.
Someone came from the house of Jairus. ” Your daughter is dead,” he (told Jairus). “Don’t bother the teacher anymore.” Hearing this Jesus, said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.” When he arrived at the house of Jairus…..all the people were wailing and mourning for her. “Stop wailing,” Jesus said. “She is not dead but asleep.” They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. But he took her by the hand and said, “My child, get up!” Luke 8
Last August our son Mesfin came down with transverse myelitis, an autoimmune disorder that left him paralyzed from the neck down within 12 hours of symptoms. Doctors said that it looked grim. People do recover from transverse myelitis, but it takes years and is usually not 100%. At nine p.m. they started steroids, the only treatment available, and said, “We will monitor the paralysis of his diaphragm throughout the night, and let’s just hope he can still breath on his own by morning.”
He brushed his own teeth at 9 am. At 2 in the afternoon, he walked again. Today, he is simply himself.
“Sliver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. When all the people saw him…they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him. Acts 3
My oldest daughter has struggled with ADHD and depression for years. Finally, about six months ago, a doctor came across the right medication for her. Within weeks she felt different. She said to me “Mom, I feel like I’ve lived my whole life in a dark hole I couldn’t get out of and now I can finally see a ladder.”
As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” Luke 8
And then there’s Faye. My daughter with spina bifida. The miracles are too many to count, but it starts with a group of doctors telling us to have an abortion because she would be too paralyzed to breath on her own at birth. We didn’t, she wasn’t.
When I told my husband of my worries that day, I said, “It feels like I just love them too much.” And he said, “Honey, you don’t love them too much. Love them like your pants are on fire. Then realize that they are not yours. Stop worrying about Faye. He’s got it covered. Remember, He’s the one who made the lame man walk.”
So I need to remember the miracles and in the words of David,
I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest in hope, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, you will not let your holy one see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence. Psalm 16